I wrote this in this exact blog 2 years ago… It seems so far and yet, the feelings are still there… I remember that night, the smell at the Newark airport…my heart ounding in my chest, me fighting against myself… I´m here now, in one way or another I made it, and I learned a lot about the journey…
When you grow the first years of your childhood going from one city to another, changing school once and again and being constantly forced to make new friends, you never get to know what having roots in a place feels like. You learn that no matter where you move you’ll always find best friends and worst enemies in whatever place you may get to go. You’ll never really be able to answer straight away the question “where are you from?” cause you won’t feel you belong anywhere. And you’ll never really feel like “home” ’cause even when you settle somewhere like I did, you can’t help feeling like it’s just “one more place”….or at least that’s what I thought until 2007…
As I said, New York has shown me what feeling alive means and has given me much more than I could ever get to imagine. And I’m not just talking about the impression of the flashing and always amazing Manhattan. I’m also, and specially talking about a little place just across the river, a place belonging to the New Jersey State which I now feel like my place and my home thanks to the wonderful people who live there.
That is what this place has given me. The taste (for the first time in my life) of what feeling “home” is like.
Right now, 12th of July 2009, at 8 pm, I’m at Newark’s airport trying no to cry cause I promised not to and writting this to keep me focused on something before heading for Madrid, back to my life in Spain. I know it’ll feel like the longest flight ever. Everytime I leave the States I feel like I’m leaving a part of myself here. But leaving NY and NJ is harder, it just hurts. It feels like loosing my dreams, loosing the opportunity of achieving the life I wanna live and specially, like living a place where I know I can be myself and feel loved.
I know I promised to be a strong girl. But after leaving at the airport the thing that’s made me happiest in my life I just couldn’t help shading acouple of tears when I turned my back. Anyways, I’ve taken a deep breath and behaved for I hope this isn’t a “goodbye”, just a “see you later”.
It wasn´t a good bye 
